21.05.2018

Dream about perspective and sight.

A day of writing things again, I woke up frightened. A friend emailed me an interactive photo of me in a crowd at one of his gigs. He asked “are you ok with what that guy is doing? Really strange” When I tried to open the photo on my computer, it wouldn’t. Blank black. I’m at work – in an office with a handful of people I know from life and asked someone to open it for me so I could see what he was talking about. We were standing around a computer and a ginger friend from real life says “I’ll open it for you” – he opens the photo on his laptop at the same time my eyelids clamp themselves shut. The sensation of not being able to open my eyes is terrifying, pulling my eyebrows up, like when you have those dreams about not being able to move but it’s just my eyes and as this situation has been unfolding my imagination has been running multiple scenarios of possibilities of what this man had been doing standing next to me in the crowd that I didn’t see at the time. What I can’t see now and what I didn’t see then? The friend that had sent it to me slapped someone in my defence once in real life. He is an advocate of safe space. He is to me a brother and a mentor. The man in the photo is doing something explicit, sexual and without permission. My fear intensifies and suddenly my eyes pop open and the room is empty, everyone has gone, the building is empty except the man from the photo who is suddenly beside me. I don’t see him clearly but I do see my car, my freedom: he’s stolen the wheels from my car for his car and he takes my arm and leads me through the building, outside and into his car, an old woman sits in the front seat, she is elegant and slightly delirious and talking to him quickly. I’m squashed in the back with my ginger friend, his computer and a woman who I know is evil, she was in the office earlier laughing. She looks like another real life friend but I don’t believe she could be his accomplice. I’m trapped, I’m cursed, and distressed. My hands have been bound the whole time. I’m trying to escape from this journey. I had the start of this dream the night before.